Welcome back

Contrary to popular belief we did not sell our naming rights to chip n dales…..just on a long summer hiatis..hell I was suprised my login actually worked. But apprently our internal clocks all ticked, the offseason is over. No more boring weekends filled with Tiger choke jobs or trips to your mother in laws. Its football time and this year we would like to say we kinda have our shit together here at gaymariotti, the first smell of pigskin is thursday night with 2 teams on my shit list the blue turfers of Boise State travel to Oregon and their Pac 10 officals. Its about time for some real action after watching 20 straight hours of a college football marathon im really on edge. Look for exclusive converage this weekend including us embarking on the dubious task of podcasts. Until then ….

Thank god

Thank god

An arrogant attempt at a Modest Mouse Concert Bootleg.

yeah yeah yeah, I know. We have been gone for quite awhile, for some reason Ronmexico2003 was able to put up a post out of nowhere, but other then that things have been weaker then Dick Cheney’s sex drive around here lately……[crickets]……….. buuuuuttttt look for things to pick back up once baseball season hits the 2nd half and football season gets closer. Good news: We are in the process of putting together a weekly podcast, with the crew here having over 4 years of sports radio expirience I can confidently say that this will be a complete and utter fucking failure, but we should have some fun drunken times anyways. Many thanks go out to some of the loyal chumps people who continue to view this website on a somewhat regular basis. We will pick back up on this soon…I promise hope.

So with all that douche baggotry out of the way, I present to you our first ever (stolen somewhat, many thanks go out to http://www.interstate-8.com for some of the videos) attempt at a bootleg. I was at the Modest Mouse show on March 15th and I must say it was one of there better live sets that I have seen (13 total, no restraining order yet). I have successfully found all the tracks almost all the tracks, from the show and now present them to you from beginning to end.
Enjoy….or not…..

3rd planet:

Education:

Black Cadillacs :

Here it comes (Partial :/) :

King Rat (Fuck yeah! Coming to an EP near you soon!):

The View:

Doin’ the Cockroach:

Custom Concern (from 2000):

Jesus Christ was an only child:

Dance Hall:

Baby Blue Sedan (5 nights later in K.C.):

Bury me with it (shitty quality, partial, blah):

Night on the sun:

Paper Thin Walls:

Satellite Skin:

Dramamine:

Float On:

Parting of the Sensory:

Encore…..

Satin in a Coffin:

Interstate 8:

All Night Diner (very, very old live version):

 

Thanks for coming back to http://www.gaymariotti.com, see you again soon!

The week that was…..Manny being Manny …….and Farve…..resembling a teenage girl

Yeah , were still alive……Just went on a short hiatis,nothing brings me out a hiatis better than a sick case of deja vu. Wasnt it about a year ago when Ed Werder and his awesome mustache were down mississippi in the swamp on Farve watch. And wasnt about a year ago when the ole gray beard decided he could still sling it and wanted to stick it to Ted Thompson for letting him go. Fast foward through the season, the departure of Chad Pennington to miami, a dismal finish , the firing of Eric Mangini, and the downfall of the New York Jets. Just stating the facts bald eagle, but something must have posessed Brad Childress to jump on a plane down to that same mississpi swamp. Maybe its the fact the future of the franchise rest heavily on the play of free agent singing of Sage Rosenfels. Because lets face it, Adrian Peterson cant do it all himself, with that line hes been worn out more than our favorite song poker face in just 2 short years. Thank god you didnt come back brett, spare of the next two months of your bargining with teams, or how you want the chance you show your old team up like suzy at the prom. I havent seen any new wrangler spots lately, maybe theres a fishing show in your future, your arm is dead. Stay in the south.

So Manny is juiced up, hmm what gave it away….was it the face that the baby fat he came up with in the indians organization has suddenly turned to muscle even though he was traded from a word champion baseball team for not wanting to play defense and being just plain lazy. Listen I could care less about this garbage, I was more interested in the news one of the golden girls passed away. Sorry Baseball purist, myself included, the game isnt pure anymore. We saw it in the spring with Aroid, they are probably alll juiced at some point and time. We are never going to get the game back pre strike. But its still americas pasttime, and we will still watch, and go thru the gates and pay the ticket prices, we like to see guys hit 70 long balls and throw 100 milles a hour. What the hell else are we going to watch in the dog days of summer, and im pulling your man card if u said american idol. The most comical part of this whole saga is the substance for which manny tested positive for….a female fertility drug. Used to even out the body and a steriod cycle. How many big names are actually firtile enough to be pregnant right now….we just one we know off, good thing he cant get knocked up we only need one Manny in the world. He might cost him the team the division…..after his off season holdout hes on thin ice….Maybe he can live off sales of his ridiculous rosta dome piece they have been hocking at the dodger games…So cal is a weird place

manny

Live Blog: Oklahoma vs North Carolina

Because I am to hung-over to goto a bar (Shocking!) I decided to try our first attempt at a live blog, I will be posting along with a select number of my low-life friends who decide to participate…. it should be incredibly shitty and I apologize in advance.

Enjoy:

 

20:00 1st half– I have my Bud Light, Papa Johns ultimate pepperoni pizza and state farm insurance all ready to go. Lets go Sooners!

16:17 1st half- Sooners finally get on the board….about fucking time. 7-2 North Carolina. Im usually anti-bitching about refs but……Oklahoma is getting raped on these foul calls.

Howie Long is a fucking tool, Chevy makes a good car but I hope Dennis Leary sticks an F-150 up his ass.

15:10 1st half– 9-2…Feel free to stop shitting the bed anytime now guys….

14:03 1st half– 13-2…. 

13:08 1st half- 15-6…..Hahaha suck my fucking Balls Tyler Hansborough. Willie Warren holding the team together thus far.

12:44 1st half- (Message from Tad: The Sooners Need to shoot better) Dynamite Drop in Donny! Those years at blogcast school are really paying off.


11:00 1st half-  17-10….OU starting to show some signs of life. 11 total fouls in 9 minutes, these refs better put the whistles away eventually. This game will end up having zero flow. 

Burger King mini burgers: I would LOVE to meet the woman who would have an orgasm over a mini burger, I would probably propose to her on the spot. 

8:29 1st Half- 21-11….Blake Griffen makes his first point! 1 down, 26 more to go! And follows with a dunk. Keep it up!

Im not sure how I can possibly wait until Friday to see the new Fast and the Furious movie, the next 112 hours will be rough without my Paul Walker Fix.

5:38 28-16: WTF, how do you pass up those shots and settle for a last second prayer? Sooners need to get this back into single digits. 

How the FUCK do you get a shot clock violation!!!!!!

4:42– MAKE A SHOT!!!! Still early, but you gotta start playing eventually…..

3:48- 28-18……..By my count that is now 4 airballs (actually 5: Thanks Schlanker) by North Carolina. Sloppy game all around, Blake is starting to show signs of life which is good. If Crocker can heat up a bit Oklahoma can cut it to a 5 point deficit by half-time.

Coke zero is actually a pretty damn good soda.

2:45- You cant spell turnover without OU? 😦

Half Time- UNC 32 OU 23. Oklahoma played a pretty terrible first half overall, and frankly are quite lucky to still be in this game (Read: Poor shooting, poor free throw shooting, to many turnovers) The good news is, they are only down by 9 points and BGriff seems to be just warming up.This game is very far from over and I fully expect Griffen to dominate the rest of the game. 

That Henieken commercial is the shit!

 

Half Time Motivational Video to follow…..

 

(Schlankers 1st half analysis: “We look like a bunch of fucking ass clowns out there, however Patillo is the man!”)

(From Tad: Thank God Seth Davis just informed us that the Sooners are relying on Blake Griffen….I did not realize this! What a fucking Tool, that guy brings shame to the Davis Name.

We’re about to be subjected to one million shots of psycho t’s retard face on the bench combined with the griffin mutli-racial parents.

Heineken, great commercials…overrated beer has nothing on a good pbr)

 

17:27 2nd half- 38-29… Good News: Starting to shoot better. Bad News:the turnovers are still killing Oklahoma.

(Tad:i can’t keep count of the psycho t dumbface shots)

16:21- FUCK YES!!! What a dunk!

Why is Crocker passing up that shot?!?! 

In totally unrelated news: The ShamWow guy was recently arrested for getting into a fight with a woman:

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html

 

(From Tad: i guarantee i’d eat more at taco bell if they stopped putting pregnant drag queens in their commercials.

ou turnovers > three point shots taken)

14:13- 47-35 Make a FREE THROW!!

Carolina is on fire… someone besides BGriff REALLY needs to step up.

(From Tad: Memo to OU administration: Hire Hotter Cheerleaders)

13:00- Patillo- Laser Rocket Arm

Candle light vigil for Oklahoma’s tournament run:

11:48- 53-40…..brb, Beer Run. Hopefully OU has it back into single digits by the time I return…

8:47 Sooners are 17 points down now? What the fuck just happened? Not looking to good…. 😦

(From Tad: can’t believe cbs waited this long to show the capel half court shot against carolina)

Personally Im surprised they showed it at all…it’s unsettling to know that the highlight totally just gave Dick Vitale a massive erection.

 (From Sharkfan: If OU were a band they’d be called Blake Griffin and the dialers, because the rest of the team is phoning it in. ZING!)

(From Tad:just remembered why ou has no hot cheerleaders…david boren is president (read between the lines folks))

7:38- Thanks for rubbing salt in the wound CBS……care to show a Boise State vs OU highlight as well?
The fat lady might be warming up :/
7:02- Tyler Hansborough fucking fail.
(From Shark Fan: OU’s defensive Scheme: By Golly, I hope UNC doesnt make a 3!”)

4:31- 61-49….Dont call it a comeback! Boomer Sooner! Couple more threes and we got a ball game!
(From Tad: blake griffin doing his daily tea-bagging of an opponent)
You CANT put Lawson on the line! OU’s missed free throws are coming back to haunt them.

3:49 Phantom call on Blake. What a bunch of horseshit.
(From D-DOSS: Is it bad that the Shamwow story made me think of Tad?)

2:40 67-53 ……Now or never guys….

1:52 Bummer, nothing to be ashamed about…just needed more shots to fall, along with a lot less turnovers…. Good night Oklahoma 2009 Season…it was fun….
      

:(

😦

 

(From D-Doss: Did Obama just get credited for getting UNC to the Final Four? Damn South Park had it so right)

1:02 The only person more annoying then Hansborough is Tim Tebow. Unfortunately both have broken Sooner fans hearts this year.

0:00- Closing time. Many thanks to everyone who stopped by our shitty little website to check this out today, keep on coming back! Also, thanks to Tad, Schlanker, D-Doss and Sharklover for helping out. Wish the outcome was different…
Again: Thanks for showing support to Gaymariotti.com! Cheers!
Fuck it dude, lets go bowling....

Fuck it dude, lets go bowling....




Madness…..Not so much

Every man has it in his DNA…..Towards the end of Feburary and the beginning of March…..when you long to hear the soulful voice of Mr Gus Johnson. When you try to turn ten lousy bucks into a couple hundred, and at the same time make rick ,your office rival look like a huge tool with your Cleveland State pick. For the second straight year this glorious event we know as the NCAA tournement has become a simple chalk event. Last year all four number one seeds made it through to San Antonio and we had an epic championship game between Memphis and Kansas. The opening week of this years tournement shows this to be a growing trend. Is is possible that the NCAA selection committee is actually getting it right for once. Two number one seeds looked impressive in opening two rounds….North Carolina had one bad half before guard Ty Lawson took over…..Uconn was barely touched in the first two rounds…..Louisville and Pitt survived second round upsets by Oklahoma State and Sienna to move on . So now we move on to the sweet sixteen with the most 1-4 seeds alive in a long time…..heres the weekends best.

Best Game-(Round of 16)
Tie…..Michigan state vs Kansas….KU’s youth and talent vs a Senior laden Spartans team

Oklahoma vs Syracuse……Blake Griffin vs the Cuse zone…..will OU’s guards show up?

Upset Alert…..UNC vs Gonzaga
Xavier vs Pitt…..no explanation I just
smell the upset here

Worse game…..Arizona vs Louisville….the Cats run
of low seeds ends here

Look for continuing coverage through the weekend on gaymariotti.com…..or you can just watch ESPN and see them talk about Obamas bracket for the 200th time

CHOKELAHOMA STRIKES AGAIN

Pardon my french: But what the holy fucking shit happened last night? As if shitting the bed against Texas, Kansas and Missouri (Bye Bye #1 seed!)wasn’t bad enough to finish up the season the Sooners had to pull a…well…uh…a  Sooners and go out and blow there first game of the Big 12 Tourney. (Hello #3 or #4 seed!) 

Excuse me while I channel my inner Ron Jaworski (Speaking of “the Jaws”, his highly anticipated NCAA Tourney Preview will be up Sunday! ) but let me break it down like this:I haven’t  seen a fucking choke like this since the Silk Spectre attempted to deep-throat Dr. Manhattan’s big blue cock in the Watchmen Director’s cut DVD (Trust me, its there).

Bottom line is: Capel needs to stop doing his best Bob Stoops impression ASAP and get this team back on track, otherwise this potential dream season will end up being about as enjoyable as Juanna Mann. 

On a lighter note: It appears that Mega Hunk Joe Mauer is healthy again, which means only one thing baseball is a commin! Look for the Gay Mariotti 2009 baseball preview towards the end of the month. Things have been a little light around here during this black abyss of the sporting calendar we like to call Feburary and Smarch, but things should be picking up shortly.

Censored for your protection.

Censored for your protection.

Let me break it down like this: Ron Jaworski’s take on the Steroid Scandal

 

Cokehead Michael Irvin ain't got shit on me.

Look at that Fucking smile! Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me! That Cokehead Michael Irvin ain't got shit on me.

 

When the local scribes columnists  fat pathetic virgins at Gaymariotti.com approached me to do a guest blurg on the recent “steroid scandal”  I said, “Sure, guys why not? I’d like to consider myself an expert on the subject because let me break it down like this: When you come home from the 1997 ESPY awards and catch you wife being drilled in the asshole  by Bill Romanowski you better believe that you have a take in regards to steroids, am I right?!? But what the fuck is this thing you call a blurg?”

One of them, BrettBoonefarm looked at me and said “Coach,  I’m having a real problem talking to my 5 sons about steroids. If you could just break it down for all of us, I would forever be in your gratitude.”

So I looked at that pathetic excuse for a man and said: “Brett, you seem like a bigger bitch then Trey “I haven’t had consensual sex with a women in 9 years” Wingo but fuck it, I feel bad for not only you, but the loser of a women who would agree to spawn your children,lets do this thang. Prepare to get a little knowledge dropped on you courtesy of JAWS”.

Let me break it down like this: I dont think an hour goes by where I don’t here something about performance enhancing drugs. I mean shit, last  night during the Dodgers and Giants spring training game I must have seen at least 7 commercials for extense, 5 comercials for Viagra and 3 commercials for Cialis. For fucks sake, I’ve tried them all and nothing will keep Mrs. Jaworski happy and faithful. During the game I must have heard about A-Fraud (Copyright Ron Jaworski 2006!) at least a dozen times. Plus that image of a roided up Bill Romanski nailing my wife in a very uncomfortable place goes through my head at least once every 6 minutes! So friends, I’m sure you can see that I am what we call in the bizz (the business) an expert on the subject.

Believe me, I could break it down all day for you folks, but I was unfortunately only given  a 788 word column to make my point. Apparently Mr. RonMexico2002 thinks that I “like to go off on random tangents and typically don’t stick to the topic at hand” and apparently they would also like me to incorporate the use of pictures….

Before today I wasn’t even sure what a Blurg was, hell I thought it was one of those freaky sex moves Sean Salisbury used to use on my wife and quite frankly Mr. Mexico2002, Mr. Boonesfarm, Mr. AintEasy and Mr. Mariotti: I don’t even know what a tangent is, let me break it down like this: when your a hall of fame quarterback knowing the difference between a rhombus, a strippers left tit, a bag of shit and a tangent really isn’t that big of a deal you know? I never took trigonometry like you fucking basement dwelling nerds. I was to busy winning super bowls while you were in your parent’s basements playing me on Troy Aikman’s Football on SNES. Anywho back to the subject at hand: My wife is a tramp and I really don’t care about steroids, in fact steroids have helped out many American’s throughout history, many of which you probably had no idea of….until now(with pictures!):

 

"Speak Softy and carry a big hypodermic"

"Speak Softly and carry a big hypodermic"

Yeah thats right, Teddy Roosevelt was on “the juice”. You think the man ended the civil war WITHOUT steroids? That’s about as likely as my wife staying faithful to me over the course of 6 months.

 

Snowflake the Field Goal kicking Dolphin

Snowflake the Field Goal kicking Dolphin

What’s the difference between Snowflake and Ray Finkle? ummm….maybee the fact that Snowflake fucking Rulez!1!!1Why do you think Finkle missed that game winning field goal? Lack of Steroids. Now alot of people tell me “Ron, Ray Finkle never existed, that was a movie staring Harry Carey”. Let me break it down like this: Those people are fucking dick-shitting morons, I should know, I was there when Finkle missed that kick and gave MY Eagles the super bowl XXXXVI victory, I remember that night as well as I found Roger Padaki “porkin’ my wife”

 

Bukkake Film star: Dirk Owens

Bukkake Film star: Dirk Owens

 

Now here is a man who should need no introduction,Dirk Owen’s is literally the Ron Jaworkski of the Bukkake film industry. The man is a constant performer and truly rises to any challenge.  Owen’s has long been a big proponent of steroids to enhance his career, I am a huge fan of all his works with the exception of Bukkake Birthday Bash 8 which reminds me to much of the time  I walked in on my wife during our honeymoon.

So in summation: Steroids aren’t always a bad thing and my wife really needs to stop banging Ken Norton Jr and the rest of the 1995 San Francisco 49ers.

 

(This may or may not have been a complete work of fiction)