The 2009 NBA Dunk Contest……I want my 45 minutes back bitch!!!

Let’s just put it this way, the “slam dunk contest” is nothing more than a fucking “popularity contest”.  Nate “the Kryptonite” Robinson doesn’t even deserve to be in an NBA jersey.   Real dunkers should be slamming Robinson through the fucking hoop.  I haven’t seen an overacting little bitch like this since Flavor Flav’s 15 minutes of fame on VH1.  Nate never should have won in 2006 when Iguodola got robbed worse than Metallica at the 1989 grammys.  Robinson is indeed the Jethro Tull of slam dunk contests.  The only way I would have enjoyed that performance is if “Jethro” would have pulled a flute out (a la Ron Burgundy) and sexually assaulted Cheryl Miller at center court, causing an inevitable life sentence for the John Starks wannabe and a rather LARGE need for magnum condoms.

Rudy Fernandez should have advanced to the 2nd round after he had the second best dunk of the night going off the  back of the backboard and dunking on the reverse side of the hoop.  But what do you know, he’s not as popular as the 5 foot whurrling durmish, so he gets snuffed.  The only explanation I have is that the former NBA stars, turned fat lazy judges, were born in Canada.  We all know canadiens are “aboot” as fucking retarded as the future offspring of Luke Walton and Rebecca Lobo.

You want to make the slam dunk contest entertaining?  Then lets try this lineup:  Josh Howard can start off by dunking the ball with one hand, a joint in the other, just high as shit.  Carmello Anthony can follow, drunk off his ass trying to do a two handed dunk on a 7 foot goal (later driving the rest of the contestants home)  all while Charles Barkley is betting $100,000 large on the competition as Tim Donaghy officiates the dunks.  Tell me you wouldn’t watch that?

Thank God Lebron will be in next years contest.  After one hell of a weak ass All Star Saturday I will leave you with a young man who acutally can dunk.  “Superman” ain’t got shit on this Turkish All Star.  Enjoy…

 

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