Boones Farm Flavor Review Week 1: Watermelon (OU vs Chattanooga, Nebraska vs. W. Mich)


how do they cram all that graham?

how do they cram all that graham?



“Holy fucking shit!! This is like a Kim Kardishian Sized Orgasm in my Mouth!” –

Those are the first words that came out of my mouth when I tasted the nectar like Watermelon flavored Boones Farm. I cant even begin to describe the implausible feeling I get when this rare and magnificent “flavored beer” arrives on my taste buds and sends them into a Gary Busey like Frenzy, but I shall try.

If a watermelon jolly rancher had an Orgy with a $90 t-bone steak, Lindsay Lohan, Andre Champagne, Bruce Cambell, Super Techmo Bowl and the Dahlai Lllama this is what I imagine this “Malt Beverage with Natural Flavors, and Artificial Colors” would taste like.

 The Sturgeon General herself  claims the following about this fruit-flavored delicacy “(1)Pregnant Should drink this alcoholic during pregnancy at least 3 times a week to decrease the chances of birth defects. (2)Consumption of this Watermelon flavored liabation will increase your Libido by 240% (3) Consumption of the before mentioned drink will lead to a decreased chance of total failure at life”


Overall Rating: 7 Golden Calfs.


NCAA flawless Predictions week 1:

Flawless Victory +200,000


Nebraska (-14) over W. Michigan 35-6 (Bo Pelini’s resurected Blackshirts start out the 2008 season with a bang, Look for Joe Ganz to have 3 TD’s)

Oklahoma over Chattanooga (+47.5) 52-17 (Chokelahoma begins to get the program back on the right track)

Utah (+3) Over Michigan 28-25 (Another Early Season choke for “Go Blue”)

Oklahoma State Over Wazzu (+7) 24-21 (The Cowboys overcome the distraction of Pistol Pete’s preseason Rape Arrest to beat the Cougs in the Emerald City)

Mizzou (-8.5) Over The Illini 34-24 (Chase Daniel begins his march towards the Heisman)

Alabama (+4.5) over Clemson 20-17 (Roll tide, Roll)