Playoffs!? Breaking down the field

The staff here at gaymariotti.com hasn’t had much time for writing lately….but with the end of Haunikah its time for our fearless predictions for wild card weekend, because lets face it, between New Years Eve and the week long drunk fest that is going to be the BCS championship game the 4 of us arent worth much in the creativity department.

NFC

Eagles at Vikings- Coming back from what resembled a journey reunion show , the Eagles stroll into the metrodome in minneapolis, you can bet the the place will be rocking ( see 1991 word series,1998 NFC championship) Mcnabb and the Eagles wont be shaken, and have a solid running game and a stout defense. After capturing the Artie Lang beer league, otherwise known as the NFC North, the Vikings counter with a solid running game led by Adrian Peterson and the improved play of  Quarterback Tavaris Jackson. Look for a good game here, I like the vikings by a field goal, as time expires the glare of Brad Childress bald head hits the lights at the dome and Phillys kicker shanks it wide right.

Vikings-27

Eagles-24


In the first playoff game in Arizona ever, the visiting team seems to have the edge here. The Falcons are flying high under rookie quarterback Matt Ryan, the Cardinals on the other hand have lost 3 out of the last four games and were only saved by being in a divison that resembles an elementry school jamboree round robin. Its hard to gauge any kind of home field advantage here for the cards, but look for Micheal Turner to continue his ground assualt with another 200 yard game holding off  All star bagger Kurt Warner and the Cardinals passing attack.

Falcons -34

Cardinals-27


AFC


Spriano ball has caught on in south beach,  following the Chad Pennington revenge tour, ( see Brett Farves last walks off into the sunset) the Dolphins once again head east to face the ravens bruising defense. The game seems to be a toss up, Baltimore defeated the fins earlier this season 27-13. Look for Pennington and the dolphins to play suprisingly well, but fall just short .Tuna looks from the press box, plotting year two of his massive turnaround with a smerk.


Baltimore -20

Miami-10


The hottest team playing on this weekend was everyones early season dissapointment, and somehow find themselves playing on the road this weekend. The bolts, are coming off a biblical whooping of the new york mets of the NFL, denver and will try to shut down the Colts and sudden MVP canidate Peyton, dont call me Eli Manning. This writer sees this as the biggest mismatch of the weekend. Yes just like in August the Colts are the Colts, one of the best in the AFC, and the Chargers are the Chargers, the pick to win every year , but the pick as the biggest dissapointment at the end of each year


Indy-35

San Diego-14

Come to Tampa...were slightly better than Jacksonville

Come to Tampa...were slightly better than Jacksonville

Holy shit!!! The first annual www.Gaymariotti.com Celebrity Death Pool

As 2008 comes to a close… we prepare for the first annual http://www.Gaymariotti.com Celebrity Death Pool
Rules:
1. Submit your list of 25 celebrities/famous people to me by Dec 31st at firebobstoops@gmail.com or just post them on here in the comments section.
2. Points are awarded based on 100 – fallen celebrities age point system. (i.e. = Anna Nicole Smith at 39 y.o. fetched 61 points.) Dont worry about the same name appearing on multiple lists, this happens all the time.
3. I reserve the right to deem anyone on a list ineligible. The person has to be famous.
4. If you want in the MONEY pool. The entry fee will be $20. If we get more then 15 people signed up then it will be a 70% 20% and 10% split for the top three. If not, it will be winner takes all. The $20 is due to me by January 31st, but I need to know if you are in this pool by January 1st. If you dont want to be in the money pool, then post anyways…still fun.
5. I will try to post updates on this “note” and on http://www.gaymariotti.com as often as possible. But in the end YOU are responsible for notifying us if anyone on your list has bit the dust.
6. Contest ends on January 1st 2010
7. List Submission Team Names are encouraged
8. This is all in good fun…seriously…dont get bent out of shape about this.

Having trouble choosing or need hints?
Here is what most likely will be the winning list from the BYTO 2008 death pool:
Al Davis
Jeff Conaway
George Steinbrenner
Farrah Fawcett
Estelle Getty
Annette Funicello
Fidel Castro
Billy Graham
Kirk Douglas
Charlton Heston
Suzanne Pleshette
Muhammed Ali
Britney Spears
Charles Manson
Karl Malden
Dick Clark
Jan-Michael Vincent
Sid Caesar
Ariel Sharon
Elizabeth Taylor

The easiest $40,000 you will ever make

The Economy continues to kick all of our asses week in and week out. As a professional handicapper I usually charge $159.99 for my lock(s) of the week. But seeing how we are already ankle deep in Chanukah and just hours away from Christmas I will give you all a very special Christmas Present. I will tell you a fool proof way to make $40,000 in 3 1/2 hours.

 

 

Step 1: Borrow $10,000 from a loan shark (put first born kid down as collateral)

Step 2: Bet $10,000 on a two team Parlay. (NY Giants OVER Minnesota AND Chicago OVER Houston)

Step 3: ?????

Step 4: Profit

Step 5: Make it rain (Pac-Man style) or Make it Snow (OU Alpha Chi Style)

indeed

 

Why am I so confident of this get rich scheme?

Becuase all it takes for the Vikings to make the playoffs is for either win over the Giants or a Chicago loss against the Texans. As a lifelong Vikings fan who has seen over 9000 huge letdowns. I can tell you with a 100% confidence that neither of these things will happen. Thus congratulations on your new found wealth.

Skanksgiving (NFL Week 13)

Yay! It is in fact that magical time of year again where we get to witness:


  • The Detroit Lions humiliate themselves on national T.V.
  • John Madden slobbering incoherently over the duck he just shoved up a turkeys ass.
  • The Dallas Cowboys playing yet another shitty team.
  • That bad ass Snoopy float.


NFL Predictions:

Titans 26 (-11) – Lions 7– Daunte Culpepper will get his roll on, all the way to a 0-16 season.


Sex Boatalicious!

Sex Boatalicious!

Seahawks 24 (+11.5)- Cowboys 21– I can only hope that this game will be as hilarious as the last time these two teams met.


Epic!

Epic!

Arizona 38 (+2.5) – Philadelphia 26what comical thing will happen to McNabb this week? Tune in at 8:15pm on thursday to find out!

With all of his kids in Prison, there will be plenty of Pumpkin Pie and Mashed Potatoes to go around at the Reid family table.

Good news for Andy Reid: With all of his kids in Prison, there will be plenty of Pumpkin Pie and Mashed Potatoes to go around at the Reid family table.

 New York Jets 27- Denver Broncos 20 (+7.5)- Jay Cutler, the self described “greatest QB of all time” gets his chance to prove it against Vicodin Favre and the J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS!


What do Brett Favre and Dr. House have in common? I will give you one guess....

What do Brett Favre and Dr. House have in common? I will give you one guess....

Vikings 96 (-3) – Da Bears 2After doing an hour long analysis of this game on Madden 2009 (Difficulty level: Rookie) I can safely say that  Peterson will run wild for 447 yards and 8 Touchdowns. P.S. Childress still fucking sucks!


16- For God so loved the Vikings, he sent his only begotten son to play Running back.

Adrian 3:16- For God so loved the Vikings, he sent his only begotten son to play Running back.

John Madden 1- Turducken 0- That poor 6 legged mother fucker doesn’t stand a chance in hell.


BOOM!

BOOM!


Have a wonderful, happy, joyous, totally Vic Mackey style bad-ass Thanksgiving!



Gaymariotti.com- “BCS > NBA”

 

 

星期十三预览(世界的最坏的星期学院橄榄球)

For all you stupid Americans out there: Week 13 Preview (aka the worst week in college football history…..)

 

Seriously what the fuck, the past few weeks has given us great games like Alabama vs LSU, Penn State vs Iowa, Texas vs Every other team in the top 10, and Texas Tech vs the world. This week there is exactly one, one fucking top 25 match-up and that will be a Mike Tyson like raping when the Gamecocks of South Carolina travel into Tebow’s house. The ABC game of the week is Oklahoma State at Colorado….yes, the same Colorado who managed to lose to Missouri 58-0,  lose to the helpless Texas A&M Aggies, and needed a last second goaline stand against the Iowa State Cyclones. Should be a real nail-biter! Bleh, thank God Lebowski Fest is tomorrow.

Your about to enter a world of pain

Your about to enter a world of pain

Week 13 picks:

 

Northwestern 31(+3.5) Michigan 28- Fuck you Rich Rodriguez.

Wisconsin 27 Minnesota 17 (+13.5)- Remember when a couple weeks ago Golden Gophers fans were talking about a 12-1 season and a BCS birth? HA!

Navy 31(+4) Notre Dame 20– Charlie Weiss continues to resemble Mark Mangino more and more everyday.

Missouri 52 (-27) Iowa State 13– Poor, poor Iowa State.

Georgia 14 Auburn 10 (+8.5)- Yawn, what potential this had though….

Florida 45 (+22) South Carolina 13– At least Spurriers golf handicap is now only a 7.

Nebraska 52 (-7) Kansas State 31– The mighty Cornhuskers keep there Big 12 north title hopes alive!

Upset special of the fucking year.

Kansas 38 (+13.5) Texas 35

 

How could anybody bet against this guy?

How could anybody bet against this guy?

 

http://www.Gaymariotti.com – “Finkel is Einhorn”