A crazy Girl in Oklahoma? Shocking…….

Im not a huge fan of Youtube… but this shit is epic.

“I just wanted to make it snow”

 

GayMarioitti’s Heisman Vote (aka the post with Tebow’s hot girlfriend)

Due to a glitch in the system (One of our contributors used to work at ESPN) we at Gay Mariotti have actually recieved a vote for the Hesiman trophy! We will be submitting it under a name, that will not be revealed until Sunday morning…

Being the  University of Oklahoma Homers that we all most of us are.. we obviously pick Bradford as number one. Because, lets face it he’s pretty much the 2nd coming of Sean Salisbury.

At number 2 we have Tim Tebow, because lets be honest anyone taping the girl below obviously deserves some strong consideration for any award….

Un-fucking-real

 

Meanwhile Colt McCoy’s girlfriend unfournately knocked him out of consideration for our ballot…..

She has a great personality....

 

 

I shot my thigh and I liked it, I hope Goodell and Bloomy don’t mind it…

   Plaxico Burress Everybody…

 

Random Image Thursday (Plaxico Theme)

 

 

Meh....its no Watchmen

 

Not Plaxico Related, but still awesome-o.

 

 

 

George Brett Shits Himself or “How I stopped trying to be witty and stuck to dick, shit and fart humor”

The past 24 hours have been the highest trafficked day in this sites history. (23X more then the average day) Much to the fact that if you type in the following phrases to google “Vishante Shiancoe Nude or Vishante Shiancoe Fox”  this magical website will pop up first.  So thank you google Gods for that. Apparently dick and fart jokes are still big items these days (Thank God).

As a token of my appreciation for those of you wasting time away  from you families, jobs, girlfriends etc to search for pictures of Vishante’s One-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater. I give you all this early christmas present of the hard to find, elusive George Brett Shits himself in Vegas video. (yes, Tad i know its a little old…) So pull up a chair and enjoy some more dick and shit humor and always stay classy…

 

Vishante Shiancoe leads the Vikings over the Lions with a big… wiener…um..err..winning touchdown

The Vikings won a real nail-biter against the now 0-13 Lions yesterday, Shiancoe caught Tarvaris Jackson’s game winning TD to seal the deal. Post-game Shiancoe was also apparently the man of the hour…. If Brad Childress (notice the eyes) put as much focus into his “kick ass offense” as he did to Vishante’s Purple People Eater…then this team  surely would be vying with the Giants for the number one seed in the NFC.

 

Vishante Shiancoe Week 14's MVPenis

 

 

Reaction around the league:

 

Fox’s broadcaster Joe Buck had this to say about the incident-”That’s a dispicable act … totally classless…I’m sorry you all had to witness this folks”

Meanwhile ESPN broadcaster and all around badass Ron Jaworski had this to say about Vishante- “Let me break it down like this… I haven’t seen a football cock like that since  when I walked on in my wife banging the entire offensive line of the 1982 New York Jets.”

“I have no comment at this time”- Chris “Needle Dick” Cooley

“I am reviewing all the pertinent facts of the case, but I would say it’s very likely that I will be handing out multiple four game suspensions to any Vikings player associated with the act. The NFL has a long standing tradition against Nudity as well as a long standing tradition of fucking over the Vikings any chance we get” – NFL Commish Roger Goodell.

Plaxico” Giants are number one with a bullet” ……the NFL stretch drive

Im back…..after a short supension for the use of anapproved stimulant , its time to discuss playoff scenerios, and if the Lions are possibly the worst team in the history of the NFL. With week 12 complete and 2 bonus thanksgiving games that lacked much luster its nut cutting time in the NFL. Heres the playoff picture as it stands, in the AFC we have 2 heavyweights, Tenneesee and Pittsburgh, you could also include the New York Bretts in that discussion before a shocking home loss to on again off again Broncos. Bringing up the rear along with the Broncos are wild card contenders Baltimore, a resurgent Indy team and a group of teams looking to make it in the chase which include Buffalo and suprising Miami. Look for  the Tenneesee and Blitzburg defenses to help them lock up the top 2 seeds. In the NFC one thing is clear, the giants are by far the best team…..looking better then the team that held the super bowl trophy up last january , unless bitten by the plaxico incident conteversy nothing will stop new york from claiming the top seed and homefield advantage. Behind the Giants , Carolina and Tampa are clawing at each other trying to win the South, with a showdown looming in week 13 and maybe the second seed in the NFC . A pod of teams are fighting for that spot as well and trying to maybe just make it into the playoffs. Arizona , Washington,Dallas,  are among these teams. And in the NFC north, the divison nobody wants to win, it appears the minnesota vikings are pulling away with a record of 6-5 riding the AD train to the playoffs and save brad childress job. No predictions here , the Giants are the class , with the field chasing . It should be an exciting 7 week ride to Tampa, almost as exciting as the BCS, but weve already broken that down on this site , havent we……see you next week

So much drahma in da club

Keeping the streets and NYC safe

BCS: A fair,true and accurate breakdown.

Strength of Schedule…. Harris Polls…Computer polls…”Style Points”….Colt McCoy’s creamy thighs….. The components of the BCS can be confusing to the common man, but we here at Gay Mariotti have broken it down to show you each component and subsequent rankings that went into picking Oklahoma as the Big 12 south Champ.

 

33% of the vote: MAC users hate Mack Brown, its a known fact

 

 

1.) Alabama 2.) Oklahoma 3.) Florida 4.) Reed College (Steve Jobs alma mater) 5.) USC….118.) Texas 119.) Bill Gates

33% of the vote: Bristol...as in Bristol CT...as in the home of ESPN...I smell a conflict of interest

1. Brett Favre 2.) Brett Favre 3.) Boston Red Sox 4.) Brett Favre 5.) Stuart Scotts Lazy Eye 6.) Notre Dame 7.) USC 8.) The entire SEC 9.) Texas 10.) Oklahoma

 

33% of the vote: Suddenly things become so much Clearer

 

 

 

1.) Fresno State 2.) Cal State Fullerton 3.) Clemson 4.) FSU 5.) Georgia Tech….21.) Oklahoma.. 23.) Texas

 

 

 

Gaymariotti.com “Boomer Sooner!”

Skanksgiving (NFL Week 13)

Yay! It is in fact that magical time of year again where we get to witness:

• The Detroit Lions humiliate themselves on national T.V.
• John Madden slobbering incoherently over the duck he just shoved up a turkeys ass.
• The Dallas Cowboys playing yet another shitty team.
• That bad ass Snoopy float.

NFL Predictions:

Titans 26 (-11) – Lions 7- Daunte Culpepper will get his roll on, all the way to a 0-16 season.

Sex Boatalicious!

Seahawks 24 (+11.5)- Cowboys 21- I can only hope that this game will be as hilarious as the last time these two teams met.

Epic!

Arizona 38 (+2.5) - Philadelphia 26- what comical thing will happen to McNabb this week? Tune in at 8:15pm on thursday to find out!

Good news for Andy Reid: With all of his kids in Prison, there will be plenty of Pumpkin Pie and Mashed Potatoes to go around at the Reid family table.

 New York Jets 27- Denver Broncos 20 (+7.5)- Jay Cutler, the self described “greatest QB of all time” gets his chance to prove it against Vicodin Favre and the J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS!

What do Brett Favre and Dr. House have in common? I will give you one guess....

Vikings 96 (-3) – Da Bears 2 – After doing an hour long analysis of this game on Madden 2009 (Difficulty level: Rookie) I can safely say that  Peterson will run wild for 447 yards and 8 Touchdowns. P.S. Childress still fucking sucks!

Adrian 3:16- For God so loved the Vikings, he sent his only begotten son to play Running back.

John Madden 1- Turducken 0- That poor 6 legged mother fucker doesn’t stand a chance in hell.

BOOM!

Have a wonderful, happy, joyous, totally Vic Mackey style bad-ass Thanksgiving!

Gaymariotti.com- “BCS > NBA”

 

 

13 Things you probably didn’t know about Texas Tech

EDITOR’S NOTE: This was a group collaboration of BrettBoonesfarm, sharklover and RonMexico2002. Enjoy…

Graham Harrell washes his hands before going number 2 but not after.

Mary-Kate Olsen based her performance of Michelle Tanner from the television series Full House on Graham Harrell. Ashley Olsen, however, did not.

Mike Leech has attempted auto-fellatio over 9000 times, each time being unsuccessful.

Defensive coordinator Ruffin McNeil is single handily responsible for getting Arrested Development thrown off the air.

Michael Crabtree was the Key Grip on Sandlot 2 and co-wrote Sandlot 4: Step Up 2 Da Platez

Mike Leach can achieve two erections simultaneously.

Special Teams Coach Clay McGuire owns 7 Fleshlights.

In a recent GQ article, Jesus Humphrey Christ was quoted as saying “Why did I make Lubbock? …. Fuck it, we all make mistakes.”

Lubbock, Texas has the third highest rate of Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) in it’s county and yet somehow, the highest overall in the entire United States of America.

It’s illegal to watch more than one movie at a time in Lubbock, Texas

Graham Harrell kissed a girl and he liked it, I hope Mike Crabtree dont mind it.

Water is not bottled in Lubbock, Texas – it’s canned

Notable Texas Tech Alumni John Denver wrote the script to 2girls1cup. Wes Welker wrote the score.

Predictions Week 14:

Oklahoma (-7) 156- Texas Tech 147 – the over/under on this game is 75 1/2. Bet the over!

Clemson 30 (-2.5) – Virginia 21 – zzzzzzzz

Minnesota (+6) 24 - Iowa 20- Golden Gophers end their 3 game losing skid

Washington (-7) 17 – Wazzu 7- The Apple Cup is clearly the game of the week pitting 0-10 Washington vs 1-9 Washington State. What an awesome year for Seattle/Washington teams (See: Seahawks, Mariners, Supersonics)

Ohio State 41- Michigan (+20.5) 28- Remember when this used to be a decent rivalry?

Season: 42-18.

Against the Spread: 27-21-2

DOH!

Mcnabb learns the NFL rulebook….week 11 in the NFL

While quietly giggling after the boys resurection from the dead in D.C. sunday night….and watching da Buffalo Bills once again lose a MNF game with a kick…..we look back on week 11 in the national football league. By the way, just a side note look for a calabiration of sorts this week leading up to the college football game of the year in Norman,OK this saturday entitled “12 things you didnt know about Texas Tech.”  As noted last week in my blog the frontrunners in the league  the Giants , and the Titans improved to 9-1 and 10-0 , and we saw something we havent seen all season, a come from behind win by Tenneessee, trailing one of the league’s disapointments this year in Jacksonville 14-10 at halftime, Collins once again went to the air to notch a 24-14 road win. While in NY, the Giants, matched up with suprising rookie Joe Flaco and the Ravens, this mismatch resembled the celebrity boxing match between screech and horshack with big blue prevailing 30-10. The week started out with a bang on Thursday night football as the New York Bretts picking up an overtime win in Foxboro over hoodie and the Pats, this despite a 400 yard passing performance by Matt Cassell, well see how this translate the rest of the season. The highlight was the Farve press conferance after the game that resembled an interview on “The View.” Romogate ended in Washington Sunday night and after a couple of flutterballs and a quality TD toss in the fourth , the boys rode Marion Barber on a 6 min drive to prevail 14-10, with a couple of patsies at home the next week Dallas might have saved their season on Sunday night football. The only thing that could overshadow these big matchups in week 11 would be a 13-13 stalemate between the fluttering Eagles and the 1-8 Bengals, yes thats right. Why you ask ? following the 13-13 overtime tie, the first since 2002. Donnavan Mcnabb stated ” ive never been involved in one of those, I didnt even know it was in the rulebook.” Mcnabb was stated that he wasnt aware of the rule, after an overtime period if the game remains tied, it goes into the records as a tie, Mcnabb then stated” I hate to see what would happen in the playoffs or the super bowl.” After being diagnosed with footinmouth disease Mcnabb then learned that in the playoffs or the super bowl regulation play is not stopped until one team scores. This might be a suprise to some people that a verteran QB would not be aware of the NFL rule book, however this young writer as a small lad in 1996 watched this same man line up to take the snap from the guard and not the center in the half empty stand of Oklahoma Memorial stadium, before the Gaylord naming debacle. Maybe Mcnabb should look into reading the rules , and also look into handing the ball off to Westbrook and save the sinking ship that is the Eagles season. As a closing note , The Arizona  Cardinals, yes the Cardinals can clinch the worst divison in football, the NFC west with a home win  this week against the 9-1 Giants. With former MVP QB and grocery bagger Kurt Warner at the helm, these arent your daddys cardinals, because of course those were the St Louis Cardinals, but thats another story …..see you in week 12

Screech on roids, and you thought Canseco was bad

Aaron Rodgers is so awesomeo

Romos pinkie rehabiitation

星期十三预览(世界的最坏的星期学院橄榄球)

For all you stupid Americans out there: Week 13 Preview (aka the worst week in college football history…..)

 

Seriously what the fuck, the past few weeks has given us great games like Alabama vs LSU, Penn State vs Iowa, Texas vs Every other team in the top 10, and Texas Tech vs the world. This week there is exactly one, one fucking top 25 match-up and that will be a Mike Tyson like raping when the Gamecocks of South Carolina travel into Tebow’s house. The ABC game of the week is Oklahoma State at Colorado….yes, the same Colorado who managed to lose to Missouri 58-0,  lose to the helpless Texas A&M Aggies, and needed a last second goaline stand against the Iowa State Cyclones. Should be a real nail-biter! Bleh, thank God Lebowski Fest is tomorrow.

Your about to enter a world of pain

Week 13 picks:

 

Northwestern 31(+3.5) Michigan 28- Fuck you Rich Rodriguez.

Wisconsin 27 Minnesota 17 (+13.5)- Remember when a couple weeks ago Golden Gophers fans were talking about a 12-1 season and a BCS birth? HA!

Navy 31(+4) Notre Dame 20- Charlie Weiss continues to resemble Mark Mangino more and more everyday.

Missouri 52 (-27) Iowa State 13- Poor, poor Iowa State.

Georgia 14 Auburn 10 (+8.5)- Yawn, what potential this had though….

Florida 45 (+22) South Carolina 13- At least Spurriers golf handicap is now only a 7.

Nebraska 52 (-7) Kansas State 31- The mighty Cornhuskers keep there Big 12 north title hopes alive!

Upset special of the fucking year.

Kansas 38 (+13.5) Texas 35

 

How could anybody bet against this guy?

 

www.Gaymariotti.com – “Finkel is Einhorn”

 

Suddenly my desire for Brad Childress to be humiliated by a Bukakke Firing Squad has decreased somewhat

At least we dont have Wade Phillips as our coach…..

Minnesota: 28

Green Bay: 27

OMG!

After 5 straight losses against the Green Bay Packers Brad “the bald eagle” Childress finally figured out a winning game plan (See: Hand off to Adrian, Repeat, Pass to Adrian, Repeat). Granted he needed a little help from Mason ” is Einhorn”Crosby, but fuck it, a win over the Packers equals like 2.6 wins in my book. After watching watching sportscenter 3 different times today I can safely say that The Vikings are going to win the super bowl. Write it down, call your bookie, cash in your 401k and bet the farm on it. Remember its the Vikings, what could possibly go wrong?

And what a touchdown it was!

Fisher’s “dude stache” prevails again…..Week 10 in the NFL

In a week of change in america………not much changed this week in the national football league. The two dominant teams thus far showed off with big road wins. The men in blue led by Eli, went into Philly and the ran the ball at will disposing of the Eagles. In Chicago, amidst a small snow storm, the most effecient backup in the NFL , Kerry Collins unleashed an unexpected aieral assult, as the bears shut down rookie of the year canidate Kris Johnson and bruising back Lendell White on way to a hard fought victory. Cassells patriots got past the Bills, to set up a showdown on Thursday night football with the New York Bretts, Farve disposed of a Rams team that was too busy printing up Tim Tebow jerseys, the Lions might have something to say about that at 0-8, Kitna didnt predict that one…….With no Brooks Bolinger picks to talk about this week, and a monday night game that resembles paint drying( Cardinals vs 49ers, aka the Kurt Warner for mvp showcase) we go back to Jeff Fishers mustache, a marvelous display of male facial hair that we havent seen in pro football since the likes of Jake Plummers 2004 mountain man look that led the Broncos to the AFC championship game. With each win it seems to shine more gloriously, gaining strentgh like Obamas financial plan for america. With MNF in arizona, lets flashback to their last visit there, ladies and gentleman Mr. Dennis Green ” they are who we thought they are”……who the hell was big ben throwing to in the fourth yesterday …..in the most exciting game of the day…….the fighting gus ferohttes handed off to adrian peterson and squeaked by the pack, what a novel idea, the childress watch is safe for another week…….Week 11 promises more excitement as thankfully enough romogate ends in dallas, no truth to the rumor that he injured his pinky sticking it in his ear while listening to Jessica Simpsons new album….After the half way point and into mid november one thing is clear the AFC and NFC has two heavyweights in New York and Tenneessee with every else chasing…..but thats why they play the game, should be a fun next 8 weeks on the way to Tampa….Dont want to forget to wish one of the comedic genuises of the 90s a happy birthday…..Sinbad……Houseguest is an all time classic

Dont forget to jingle all the way

Awesomeo

Dude wheres my car

Tad Davis Ruined the Economy

 

 

Shitty Quality as this is, I can assure you, this is not a shop.

The Economy has been this Falls big new hit (yes Shane, even bigger then True Blood), over the past few months you cant open a newspaper, watch a cable news show, read cnn.com, or even watch your favorite 30 second Milf Hunters free preview clip without someone giving there expert opinion on why the Economy is as weak as Chuck Long’s head coaching resume (see: 7-17 record). 

 

Bush, Cheney, Obama, Osama, McCain, Republicans, Democrats, Wall Street,Main Street

Huston Street

The Banks, The Skanks, Bill O’Reilly, Iraq, Iran, Canada, Greedy CEO’s and that fucking annoying yet ascetically pleasing Shamwow! guy are just a few of the people/things to have been blamed for the recent Economic “crisis”. They all seem like perfectly acceptable reasons for these recent rough times, but the “experts” are wrong again (see: BCS) in fact:

           Tad “M.D.” Davis ruined the Economy.

 

Tad on the way to his next job interview

You may be asking yourself “Who is this Tad Davis character?” I dont have time to go into his life story and will only point out a few of the things he has done tosingle handily set us our country back(economically speaking of course) to the 1920′s. However feel free to check out his detailed biography here (which is quite fascinating).

Things that Tad Davis has done:

• Gave out $300,000+ home loans to the following people (who have all defaulted BTW).



Bought a four story refrigerator box in the florida keys



Tad just assumed this guys references of Wavy Gravy and Jerry Garcia would check out.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Mittens were tricked into thinking his $5 an hour job at the meow mix plant would be enough for there dream house

 

Current whereabouts unknown...seriously

 

Apparent diehard RedSox Fan even though he has never lived east of Dallas, Texas.

Switches the Channel from a Football Game to a Soccer match during a college football tailgate.

America! Fuck Yeah!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Voted for George Bush…..Twice

Is a close confidant of Mack Brown

And perhaps most damning of all……. Tad has made “WHOOPIE” with countless fat chicks.

 

 

Tad is also a fan of the stinkpalm.

Gaymariotti.com: “now 83% cooler then Jesus”

Erection 2008

Though none of us here at GayMariotti.com are able to vote (See: Failed Bank Robbery(s), indecent exposure, prostitution sting, and tearing that tag off the mattress)  We are still happy to endorse our candidate for the 1978 2008 presidential election. Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you:

Howard the Duck and his running mate the lovely 100% Alaskan Free Lea Thompson (aka Lorraine McFly of Back to the Future parts I, II and III, and from the critically acclaimed little Rascals remake)

 

 

hotter then a dozen pitbull hockey moms

 

Gaymariotti.com- now 54% more socialist.

 Vote or Die…. or Live….meh.. the choice is yours!

Official Gaymariotti Odds on little Palin’s baby’s papa

Shawn Kemp 1:1

The Field   30,000 :1

 

Asshat of the week: Roger Goodell

 

Goodell suspends Vikings player Bryant McKinnie 4 games for:

• Getting in a fight with a bouncer at a night club
• Attending the infamous  Vikings “Love Boat” party

 

Goodell suspends Broncos player Brandon Marshall ONE game for:

• Being in a fight that ultimately got teamate Darrent Williams shot and killed.
• 11 Domestic Disturbance phone calls
• 1 Dometic Abuse Arrest
• 1 D.U.I. Arrest
• 1 assault on a police officer

Anyone that has ever been to a club or bar knows that roughly 80% of bouncers make up some of the biggest douchebags in the U.S.. But apparently getting in a fight with one as well with watching a couple of private strippers is four times worse then: Getting a teamate killed, beating women, driving wasted, and assaulting a police officer……..So I guess Goodell’s message is; ”You can get a teamate shot in the neck, you can put a good old fashion beating on your girlfriend, you can pull a Billy Martin, but god damnit you sure as hell better not punch someone who is earning 10 bucks an hour whose sole job is to be a prick”?

 

Maybee its just that Goodell hates the Irish……

Boones Farm Flavor Review Week 1: Watermelon (OU vs Chattanooga, Nebraska vs. W. Mich)

 

how do they cram all that graham?

 

 

“Holy fucking shit!! This is like a Kim Kardishian Sized Orgasm in my Mouth!” -

Those are the first words that came out of my mouth when I tasted the nectar like Watermelon flavored Boones Farm. I cant even begin to describe the implausible feeling I get when this rare and magnificent “flavored beer” arrives on my taste buds and sends them into a Gary Busey like Frenzy, but I shall try.

If a watermelon jolly rancher had an Orgy with a $90 t-bone steak, Lindsay Lohan, Andre Champagne, Bruce Cambell, Super Techmo Bowl and the Dahlai Lllama this is what I imagine this “Malt Beverage with Natural Flavors, and Artificial Colors” would taste like.

 The Sturgeon General herself  claims the following about this fruit-flavored delicacy “(1)Pregnant Should drink this alcoholic during pregnancy at least 3 times a week to decrease the chances of birth defects. (2)Consumption of this Watermelon flavored liabation will increase your Libido by 240% (3) Consumption of the before mentioned drink will lead to a decreased chance of total failure at life”

 

Overall Rating: 7 Golden Calfs.

 

NCAA flawless Predictions week 1:

Flawless Victory +200,000

 

Nebraska (-14) over W. Michigan 35-6 (Bo Pelini’s resurected Blackshirts start out the 2008 season with a bang, Look for Joe Ganz to have 3 TD’s)

Oklahoma over Chattanooga (+47.5) 52-17 (Chokelahoma begins to get the program back on the right track)

Utah (+3) Over Michigan 28-25 (Another Early Season choke for “Go Blue”)

Oklahoma State Over Wazzu (+7) 24-21 (The Cowboys overcome the distraction of Pistol Pete’s preseason Rape Arrest to beat the Cougs in the Emerald City)

Mizzou (-8.5) Over The Illini 34-24 (Chase Daniel begins his march towards the Heisman)

Alabama (+4.5) over Clemson 20-17 (Roll tide, Roll)

 

 

Billy Beane Can Suck My Money Balls………GayMariotti.com opening August 30th…..

The website launch has been delayed 11 days because of an 7 day unforseen Kentuck Deluxe Whiskey bender, followed by the manadatory 72 hours in Rehab….but will be up an running tommorow for the first day of college football….i promise….until then enjoy the 2008 Oklahoma State Cheerleaders……

sexy!

Charles you know you want that…..

GayMariotti.com “Now with 43% less Chlamydia”

GayMariotti.com…. opening August 19th……

Opening soon...Gentlemen day 2008 (August 19th)

Gaymariotti.com

“If I were alive today, i’d probably give it a read” – Steve Bartman